what goes through your head at the first meeting? what do you think aobut when first meeting potential dating material in that romantic setting?
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Orlando
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Re: When youre on a date....
Fri, February 22, 2008 - 6:37 PMGenerally i end up doing what my best friend calls "the laundry list."
THE BIG TWO:
*Is she gonna freak out that i'm trans?
*Did she understand that i have a kid sitting at home who is likely subjecting the babysitter/designated victim relative to things that it's illegal for the US government to do to Gitmo detainees?
THE OTHER STUFF:
*Does she really want to be here?
*Does she actually have the common interests she claimed to have, or did the power of google make her savvy when responding to that ad?
*Does she find my brains as attractive as my eyes and my chest? (I actually am sort of gifted in looking better in person than i do in pictures. If you like the crappy picture of me online you'll probably think i'm hot in person. Not being photogenic might be something to hate on some level, but it has its perks.)
*Is her drama compatible with my drama?
*Do i feel any social desperation at work here? (I don't like attracting losers and junkies but it's been a theme in my life at certain points.)
*If i do tell her i'm trans, is she gonna get that i still have way more in common with her than i do with most transwomen? (There's nothing like people assuming you know nothing about being a dyke when you've been an out lesbo 8-12 years longer than they.)
*Does she talk trash about all her exes?
*Is she out to the important people in her life? (I'm not someone's ass to tap on the down low, thanks.)
I'm sure i have more, it's just not springing to mind. Yet. -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sat, February 23, 2008 - 1:57 PMHOLY CRAP Jess! ALL that goes through your head? my god, my head would explode.
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sat, February 23, 2008 - 8:40 PMI agree such a list sounds too "heady," best to let intuition and instinct be guides...first for safety and then for any interests... -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 3:51 PMi dunno, i don't really think so. the big two are the hard ones; the others might just be me thinking of a "test" where someone else just might notice cues.
though if someone trashes ALL her exes, chances are you want nothing to do with her. substitite "him" for "her" as necessary, etc. really now not all your breakups are rantworthy, and i've had some pretty ugly breakups. i'm also still friends with a lot of my exes tho.
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Re: When youre on a date....
Fri, February 22, 2008 - 9:36 PMAm I going to have to sleep with this person. -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 12:28 PMMagdelyn, why would you HAVE to sleep with someone if you didnt want to? -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 12:30 PMI tend to cave to pressue easily. The most annoying and aggressive, for some reason, wear me down quickly. -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 1:17 PMsigh, yeah, i undersand, youre a submisive arent you?
well, i cant say i understand it, my girl is the same way, aggression wears her down pretty quick too,energy sensitive. best to stay away from people that you dont want trying to control you then i would suggest. life is better if you can manage it a little, get things on your terms in your own way if possible.
or maybe that just me. -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 9:01 PMIn girl form, I am very submissive. My interpretation of womanhood is sexist, so I have been told. This explains the whippings and bruising I have taken. : ) -
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Unsu...
Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 9:16 PMLiking a good beating has ver ylittle to do with being a boy or a girl. :) Unless you're asking a Janice Raymond type person. -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 9:27 PMTrue. I'm must saying that I am not one of those trans people that talks football. I always find it weird when trans-gals start doing typically male things. So, I have been accused of being sexist. I don't care. Whatever - you know. -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 9:34 PMI think it's weird for anyone to talk about football, I just expect more in some populations.
That said there's nothing inherently wrong with being weird.
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Unsu...
Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 9:42 PMYou have to be you, whatever that is. No one is completely masculine or feminine. FYI, me and the Lady in my life are both women (she born that way), and we both absolutely love football. Why do you find it odd that two dykes love football? :) -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 9:57 PMI don't know much about dyke-hood and all. But, I have been to social occassions with self identified trans-gals, when the whole coversations turns to who is going to win the superbowl, or the mechanics of their muscle cars. That is just not me. I kind of buy into the gender binary to some extent, and when I see stereo typical masculine behavior by self identified women, I just don't get it. Like you say, each has to live their own lives and all. Maybe its just my personality. Maybe it is why I have had trouble saying "no" in the past. -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 10:04 PMThat being said, it makes me wince when trans-gals engage in over the top stereo typical behavior associated with traditional feminity. It often comes across like a parity of the feminine.
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Re: When youre on a date....
Sun, February 24, 2008 - 11:58 PMWell, if you need some balance, for instance play a sport like tennis where you can run around like a maniac, yet wear a cute freakin' skirt. :>
Just a thought... -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Mon, February 25, 2008 - 7:47 AMwell hell, im sexist through and through then. lol. i LIKE being sexist. there , ive said it. go ahead and flame me, i like men acting like men and women acting like women, , pink is for girls, ( or anything feminine) and blue is etc etc. blah blah blah.
seriously,wheres the harm in knowing what you like and what balances you? do i point at other people and tell them " YOUR WRONG! THATS BAD! YOU ARE A SUCH AND SUCH AND NOT ACTING RIGHT!!! " no i dont , i HATE those judgemental assholes, but me? i know what i like and ill stick with it thank you very much, so youve got my support Magdelyn.
Oh and the idea of you playing tennis in a cute tennis skirt is great, love it.
just my two cents.
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Re: When youre on a date....
Mon, February 25, 2008 - 7:16 PMi'm not really femme or anything, and i buy into the gender binary within reason but not outright (example: i shouldn't be told not to do something solely because i am female, but i do believe in the separate roles *generally* occupied by men and women so long as they're sweatshirts and not straitjackets.)
That said, i have no clue about sports unless it's playing flag football with my co-workers. I wouldn't know how in the hell to be social around other transwomen in person, but it's sort of second nature to be around dykes, and i don't really think that burping and loving football is all that. Now, the drama, augh the drama.
But i also think nobody really has the right to question whether or not you say no, much less ascribe social importance to it. I don't say no out of social pressure but because honestly i'm rather slutty. I might not have a real college degree or anything, but part of the whole deal is that equality comes with being each for oneself. -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Tue, February 26, 2008 - 9:21 AMi guess a better way of saying what i said earlier is to say that i dont judge, i think of certain things as masculine or feminine but just cuz you do them or have them doesnt make you onw or the other, hell i thinkof myself as a manly mans man, but i HATE football, cant work on a transmission to save my life, ( though i do do basic maintenence) i like to shop, and i dojnt care if some of the things i do are femeines, nobody is ALL one thing or another, we're all just a blend, its our IDENTIty that makes us who and what were are, and nobody can tell us what that is except us, so why would i or ANYONE for that matter try to tell somebody that they were fem or manly or whatever, you dont konw if you dont know the person? fuck, who the fuck are we to judge and why the hell would i want to? -
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Re: When youre on a date....
Tue, February 26, 2008 - 10:31 AMi can change my own oil, though! :)
and yeah, amen to that, wolf.
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