Diane
Well hugs and you have taken a major step.
i didn't tell my parents (they have passed on) .
i came out to my girl just recently (12-14-2006), still have to tell my boy.
My therapist said it might take time for them to settle into the idea, etc. Maybe they never would but usually if family ties are close they do.
The girl went great, so it does give me hope for a repeat with the boy.
Unfortunately they will adjust in their own time and not ours(giggles like i would love it as immediately..lol)
There is a book that my therapist recommended i get for them, called True Selves, by Millered Brown. Haven't read it myself yet, but understand it is supposed to sort of explain a lot.
Good luck and hey have a great Holiday, I call it Christmas and if you do a merry one to you.
Have an even better next year.
kay

Hi Diane. Well, I came out to my parents in February. Growing up in a extremely conservative Irish Catholic Christian family, my parents always talked about the unconditional love a parent has for a child. I knew that this theory would be extremely tested when I came out, but I had to be true to myself. To me and my friends it's so obvious that coming out to them was the right thing to do because starting THAT DAY, I quit comfort eating... and I went from 200 pounds to 150 pounds in almost 4 months because it was such a stress relief. I never felt better about myself and to this day feel the most healthiest I've ever been in my life. I am no longer holding any secrets from anybody. But for them, almost immediately they put up a wall. They haven't written me off yet, but they don't call anymore (I'm in California they're in Texas). They've also quit telling me "I love you". My dad even went so far as to say that if I go through with HRT, then I don't love them. (like you can really TELL somebody else what they are feeling). They've abandoned me this Christmas, but I know that I am doing the right thing for myself. Especially when I think back to the nightmarish 'over-a-decade' of immense heavy NIGHTLY drinking that I had used to 'escape with' before I came out to them. I no longer drink and quit in 2005 which was shortly before realizing that coming out to them was what I needed to do to save myself. I still have hope for my parents because they haven't written me off yet.... but I don't let their pettiness on "what are people going to think!!!" affect my life because if I did, then I'd never be able to get past this. ...and that's all it is. They're strictly worried about what people will think of them, meanwhile ignoring everything that I've been through in my life in dealing with this. It's *totally* petty.

...and, well, you asked.

Merry Christmas :)

My family is definately in the "don't ask/don't tell" category also ... It always seemed that anything really important was off-limits for discussion..

The famous phrase in our house when I was growing up was ... "We don't discuss such things in this house" ..

I would imagine that there is a lot of variability from one family to the next, however mine simply adhered to the "Gee, we wish things turned out differently" train of thought ....

Ick ..

Elaine

Good luck, Diane. The biggest shock for me when I came out to my family (parents and two brothers) was that they all felt that this was something that was happening to them (in a real sense, it was), and, instead of giving me the support I expected, they each strongly felt that I should be divinely supporting, patient, understanding, etc. ('cause I was "asking"/"demanding" "so much" of them). Also, you might want to be sensitive to politics -- it could be good to be machiavellian in your allegiance strategizing. Instead of trying to bring them around as a group, it could be better to do it piecemeal, i.e., cultivate individual allies, and advocates, that will bring group opinion into your favor. Otherwise, people with strongly negative reactions can feed off each other for years. Divide and conquer; bring in third parties only strategically, etc..

Best wishes,

Amy

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm still having trouble with my parents, in fact I can't stand to be around them anymore. Everything is about me being a boy, being strong, being handsome young man, being everything that's not me. I'm not sure how to react to them, I mean they are supportive words, I just don't feel that those words are supportive for me. When I get upset they identify that as me just being male instead of genuine frustration with being treated like a man. I really should have trusted my instincts and waited till I had a home of mine own to tell them.